Never forget, never remember
by Pandora Anne
Summary: My first foray into AU, though not totally Au, When Spike goes to retrieve his soul, he also develops amnesia, poor Buffy, back at home, has discovered that she's pregnant. What will she do when Spike returns with no recollection of her and anything else
1. Alone

Summary: Okay, so this is my first foray into A.U. It's not totally A.U. as it follows the storyline up to the end of season six. This is my take on season seven. Not that I don't adore Joss Whedon and the genius that is 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', this is just something that wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it. So, when Spike leaves to get his soul back, all the pain and suffering he's caused over the years, forced his brain into overload and he developed amnesia. Buffy, meanwhile, back in Sunnydale, has problems of her own, she's pregnant. When Spike returns to Sunnydale, he doesn't remember anything or anyone, but he feels strangely drawn to Buffy. Buffy puts up with him, if only for her unborn child. Spuffiness ahead, I assure you. And also I played with the timeline a bit, instead of Spike reappearing in September, he shows up around June, I know it doesn't exactly make sense, but hey, this is my fic, my universe, I can do what I want.

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, I own nothing, blah, blah, blah.

Buffy stared into the azure eyes of the man who loved her more then anything else in the world, listening helpless, as he poured out his soul to her. They were in a strange room, darkness filtering in through the unfamiliar curtains. But Buffy didn't even notice it; all that mattered now was Spike.

"I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are; you're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

Buffy awoke with a start in her bed. The look of confusion on her face was quickly replaced with one of deepest urgency. Clamping a hand over her mouth, she rushed to the bathroom. _Not again_ she thought, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. When she was done, she lay down on the floor, feeling the cool porcelain caress her skin. The feel of it brought to mind the touch of a certain bleached blonde vampire. Her sister Dawn entered the small bathroom, sat on the floor next to her sister and began to brush the hair from her sweat-soaked brow.

"Again?" Buffy nodded silently and Dawn sighed.

"Buffy, when are you going to admit it? Everyone's accepted it already, even Xander, what are you waiting for?"

"I haven't accepted it yet." Buffy said, willing the tears that were always so close to the surface lately away.

"You're going to have to. I mean this isn't something you can ignore." Dawn was clearly enjoying having some power over her older sister.

"I know, Dawnie, it's difficult." Buffy was disgusted with herself, lying on the floor of her bathroom, crying useless tears over an event and a man she couldn't change, loading all her problems on her sister. Buffy was supposed to be strong; she was supposed to be the one to carry all the baggage, not dump it on Dawn.

"Are you considering not having it?" Buffy was quick to answer.

"No, no, of course not. Who knows when I'll get another opportunity like this? And I know I'm scared and all non-accept-y but I want this, more then I've wanted anything before." Dawn was quiet for a second, then;

"You had the dream again, didn't you?" Buffy sat up to face her sister, another wave of nausea swept through her and she had to prop herself up against the bathtub.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because when you do, you wake up all introspective and Wisdom-Girl."

"As opposed to the times when I wake up with a dunce hat on?"

"No, sometimes you wake up screaming." Dawn's tone was crisp, business-like, but belying a hidden undercurrent of fear. It was the tone of a girl who had seen more demons and vampires then sleepovers and shopping trips. Buffy knew it well.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"I do" Buffy confessed, "Even after. . . . Everything, I still miss him."

"Do you love him?" Buffy's answer was too quick, Dawn mused, rehearsed even.

"No." Dawn got to her feet and walked away from her sister, over to the door way.

"Then how do you expect to love his child?" The teenager left then, leaving the Slayer, albeit not totally alone, but more lonely then she had ever been before.

Dawn tugged urgently at Buffy's hand, dragging her down the busy street and into the teeming baby supply store.

"Come on, Buffy, it's 'Midnight Madness', everything's half-off"

"Dawnie, every time something has the word 'Madness' or 'Bonanza' in the title, things tend to get out of control."

"Buff, you've been living on the Hellmouth for way too long."

"I didn't mean demon-wise, I meant women-wise, especially hormone-induced crazy women. I don't much relish the thought of getting elbowed in the eye by an overzealous mother-to-be." Dawn laughed.

"Come on, Buffy, you're the Slayer, you can handle anything"

"I'm a pregnant Slayer, I can't do anything." Buffy mumbled to herself. She swiftly looked over in Dawn's direction, but the excited teen hadn't heard her over the bustle of the crowd and just kept towing Buffy towards the store. Buffy relented finally and allowed herself to be swept up in the wave of activity. After a little while, the omni-present cloud of excitement permeated Buffy's tough exterior and she found herself running down the aisles after her sister. Dawn, on her part, was completely infatuated with the tiny jumpsuits and shoes and piled them into the basket Buffy had managed to commandeer.

"Dawnie," Buffy said, laughing.

"Calm down with the clothes, I'm not far enough along to tell if I'm having a boy or a girl yet."

"Right, hence, neutral colors; yellow, green." Dawn stuck her bottom lip in a pout.

"Come on, Buffy, I'm going to be an Aunt, let me enjoy it." Buffy laughed at her sister's antics and reached out a hand to help her. After waiting for hours in the line for the cashes, Buffy and Dawn erupted from the store, giggling and laden down with a multitude of bags.

"Dawn, I didn't know you had that in you."

"Same to you, Buff, those women didn't know what hit 'em" Buffy's laughter trailed off when she caught sight of a flash of platinum blonde hair from across the street. _Oh God, is it him? _She fixed her eyes on the back of the stranger, willing him to turn around and fearful of what she would see when he did. When the man did turn to face her, she wasn't surprised, not really. Those cheekbones, that scarred eyebrow and those unforgettable eyes, could only belong to one person.

"Spike" Buffy whispered before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

Dawn knelt beside her unconscious sister franticly searching for a pulse.

"Buffy, wake up" A small crowd gathered around Dawn and the prone Slayer.

"Someone call a doctor." Dawn ordered, panic creeping into her voice. There was a rusting sound as several people at once complied with her request and all too familiar voice broke through the fog encompassing Dawn.

"Is she alright?" Dawn whirled around to find a worried Spike staring back at her.

"Spike!" She cried, flinging her arms around his neck.

"You're back, when did you . . . . . . .? Never mind, we have to help Buffy." Dawn went to kneel back down next to Buffy when Spike's next words stopped her short.

"Do I know you?" Dawn looked over at the blonde vampire.

"What? Of course you know me; I'm Dawn, Buffy's sister. . . ." Spike just stared at her; there was no recognition in his crystal blue eyes.

"Jesus Christ," Dawn said, laying a hand against her forehead.

"I, so, can't deal with this right now." Pointing at Spike, she said;

"You pick her up and follow me, I'll grab the bags." Spike did as he was told and scooped the comatose Slayer into his arms. He cradled her head, almost as if by instinct, painting a very realistic picture of a vampiric Romeo, carrying his Juliet.


	2. Spike

A.N: Alright, so I've tuned out the time line. I'm making it so Buffy and Spike's child was conceived the last time they were together, in the episode titled 'As you were', which aired on February 26th and which is also the date of the baby's conception. Thanks to all my reviewers, please continue the feedback and I will do my best to take your suggestions into account. I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, it's just a little thing to ease into the whole'Spike's back' thing.

Spike gently lay Buffy down on her living room couch, brushing back a piece of golden hair that had fallen across her forehead. Dawn paced, worried, a few paces away, the phone clutched to her ear.

"Come on, Giles, pick up, pick up." When Giles' canned, too-British greeting flowed through the phone, Dawn sighed in exasperation and flung it down.

"Why is no one there when you need them?" Spike wasn't paying attention to the irritated teenager and instead continued brushing back Buffy's hair, his eyes wandered from the unconscious Slayer's face down to her swollen stomach.

"Is she pregnant?" The blonde vampire's voice was hoarse, seemingly from lack of use. His former dulcet British tone was cracked and broken and almost sounded like it was being used by a different person completely.

"Yeah, she is" Dawn bit her lower lip, preparing herself for Spike's reaction. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Spike glanced at the clock on the nearby desktop and he jumped to his feet.

"I should be going; I don't want to be a bother." Dawn stared at the vampire in confusion, and laid a hand on his arm.

"Spike, what the hell is going on? What's going on with you?" Spike's crystal blue eyes bored into Dawn as if searching for a hidden secret.

"What did you call me?"

"Spike, you know your name. Well, not really your name, cause what kind of mother would name their son Spike?" Dawn shook her head, and stared at the blonde vampire. Somehow, impossibly, there was no sign of recognition in his eyes.

"Spike, do you know who you are?" Spike shook his head sadly.

"I don't . . . . . I don't know anything." Spike closed his eyes, a sudden flash of a dark cave, a demon with burning eyes and an unbearable wave of pure torture seized him and he forced his eyes open. Gazing at the vampire, Dawn was surprised at the look on his face, like he was a lost little child looking for his mom. This was Spike, William the Bloody, he had killed countless people and two Slayers in his time, terrorized millions but somehow that one look scared Dawn more then anything else.

"Can you help me?" Dawn nodded weakly.

"Yeah, I will, but we have to help Buffy" The brunette teenager slipped past the vampire and knelt next to her sister, dabbing at her forehead with a damp facecloth.

"Buffy" Spike rolled her name off of his tongue, testing it out.

"That's an odd name"

"Yeah, well, she's an odd girl."

"Do you think we should bring her to a doctor? Make sure the baby's alright." Dawn brushed back a tendril of hair off of her sister's brow.

"She'll be fine, she's strong."


	3. Decisions

As usual I own nothing, blah, blah, blah.

Buffy awoke to a sky of pink; she furrowed her brow in confusion.

"What the hell?" Raising her hand to her forehead, her questing fingers were greeted with the distinct feeling of wet material. Pulling the wet facecloth off her face, Buffy was rewarded with a clear view of her living room and a blonde haired, blue-eyed vampire staring at her curiously.

"Spike" she said, dropping the facecloth on her bulging stomach. Dawn hurried into the living room, clutching three steaming mugs.

"Buffy, you're awake" she cried, rushing over to her sister and depositing the mugs on the coffee table.

"Way to state the obvious, Scooby Doo, if you wouldn't mind, could you please tell me that I'm halucinating and that Spike isn't standing right over there?"

"But it is."

"No, it's not. Spike's gone; he had a whole dramatic exit a few months ago. Well, more with the bailing then the drama but. . . . ." Buffy winced and laid a hand on the back of her head.

"I think she's babbling" Spike offered.

"Yeah, I got that, thanks" Dawn returned her attention to her sister.

"Buffy, are you okay?"

"Not so much, what is Spike doing here?" Dawn's cheeks reddened as she debated the best way to tell her sister about the newest twist in her already twist-full life.

"I can't remember a thing, I've got me amnesia or some such nonsense" Leaning over to retrieve one of the steaming mugs on the coffee table, he addressed his next comment to Dawn.

"This got those little marshmallows in it?" Off of Dawn's nod, he resumed his spot, leaning against the wall.

"Bloody love those."

"At least that hasn't changed" Dawn murmured to herself. Buffy gazed at her younger sister, eyes begging for knowledge.

"What's going on?" The teenager took a deep breath, steeling herself for her answer.

"Honestly? I have no idea. You fainted outside a baby supply store and next thing I know Spike's there and carrying you home and I tried to call Giles but he's not answering his phone. By the way, since when is Giles not there to pick up his phone? He's old and stuffy and lives by his phone and I don't know where Xander is either, he's not answering his cell phone and we're out of milk." Breathlessly, Dawn gazed at her older sister.

"Right" Buffy said, once again picking up the mantle of responsibility and leadership her Slayer powers afforded her and quickly pushed all of her inner demons deep down within her soul so she could have room to fight the real demons, like she had done too many times in her short lifetime.

"Keep calling Giles, he's probably at a Council meeting, so he might not pick up for a while, but just keep trying, he's the only one that'll be able to figure this mess out. Xander probably can't hear his phone ringing; he's at the work site for the new high school today, so just leave a message, hell, leave him a million messages. Just get him over here, I don't care how. As for the milk, I'm going to the grocery store later on, so don't worry." Relief glittered in Dawn's eyes.

"Thanks Buffy, I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you right after that little incident, but I can't . . . . I don't know how. . . ." Buffy laid a comforting hand on her sister's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, Dawn, I'm the adult here, this stuff is my job" Unsteadily, she rose to her feet before quickly gaining her balance.

"You," she said to Spike,

"You're coming with me" With the vampire at her heels, Buffy turned to leave the room. Pausing in the doorway, she turned once more to face her sister.

"And Dawnie, when you talk to Giles, don't mention the pregnancy, okay?"

"You didn't tell him yet?" Dawn's shocked stare was too much for Buffy to handle at the moment and she looked down at her shoes.

"Not yet, I'm waiting for the right time" Dawn nodded, accepting her sister's decision and returned to the phone, to resume her frantic calling. Buffy beckoned to Spike with her index finger to follow her down the stairs to the basement.

Buffy stood, leaning against the washer and dryer and Spike stood on the opposite end of the room, arms crossed, booted foot tapping against the concrete floor.

"So." He said finally, shattering the uncomfortable silence, and Buffy silently prayed to whatever higher power existed that he not bring up the baby. It was the one thing she knew she couldn't discuss without erupting into tears. Maybe it was the surge of hormones in her system or maybe it was something else.

"How far along are you?" Buffy sighed internally. Of course he had to bring up one of the things she didn't want him to, Spike was always like that. But this new person, with no recollection of his former self couldn't be Spike, could he?

"About four months"

"Do you know what you're having yet?"

"Not yet, I have an appointment with my doctor next month to find out." Buffy began to examine her shoes once again but she could still feel a certain pair of burning blue eyes boring into her head.

"What about the father?"

"Whatabout the father?" Buffy snapped, unable to help herself.

"I just meant, does he know? Is he going to help you out?" Buffy allowed her anger level to subside a tad.

"No, he doesn't know and he's not going to help."

"That bloody git, you want me to beat him up for you?" A small, ill-used smile broke out on Buffy's face.

"No, that's okay, he doesn't know because he's gone and I don't think he's ever coming back. I'm not sure I want him to come back" She whispered the last part but was sure that with his vampiric hearing that Spike could hear every word.

"I could help you if you want" He said after a moment's pause, changing the subject or at least, in his mind he was changing the subject.

"Since you and your little sis are going to help me with this whole memory loss thing, I figured helping you out with the littlest one would be the least I could do. I'm good with kids." Buffy laughed at the mental picture of Big Bad William the Bloody changing a dirty diaper.

"Oh yeah? Ever had a kid of your own?" Spike's brow creased in worry.

"I dunno, maybe." Crossing the space between them quickly, Buffy laid a hand on his leather clad arm to comfort him.

"Thanks for your help, I have a feeling I'm really gonna need it."


	4. Talk

Buffy sat on the edge of her bed, tapping her foot against the floor nervously. She had a build up of energy, usually at times like this, she went out slaying but her doctor had already warned her against any physical exertion and she didn't want anything to happen to her baby. It was stupid, she knew, she kept trying to convince herself that trading a few punches wouldn't do any harm, but she didn't want anything threatening the baby, there would be enough of that once the demon population found out about their 'beloved' Slayer's pregnancy. Dawn's words from a few days earlier stuck in Buffy's mind like an irritating itch that wouldn't go away. She didn't love Spike, she knew that, she had seen too much, heard too much to let herself love him. But this baby was hers, it was her flesh and blood, it didn't matter who else was involved in its conceiving, it was hers, it was Buffy's and that was all she needed to know to love her child. Still jittery with ill concealed nerves, Buffy allowed her gaze to roam over her room, finally landing on the bag full of baby clothes, the Slayer shrugged, her curiosity getting the better of her. She dove into the bag, pulling out a rainbow of teeny garments and laid them out on her bed. Thoughtfully picking up a green onesie, Buffy laid it on her swollen belly.

"How are you ever going to be able to fit into that?" Buffy mumbled to the child hiding inside her womb. A voice from the doorway shocked her out of her introspective mood.

"You do realize the baby will have to come out before you can start turning into your own little mannequin" Buffy laid the onesie on the bed next to the others.

"Xander, hey, sorry, just looking over mine and Dawnie's spoils" she picked up a yellow onesie bedecked in ruffles and shook her head in disgust. Xander closed the space between himself and Buffy and sat down on her bed, careful not to disturb the array of baby clothes in front of him.

"I heard about Spike"

"Xander, you have to believe me, I didn't know he was back, I was as surprised as you must have been, I . . . ."

"Buff, don't worry about it, I know, all I need to know is if you're okay." Buffy examined her best friend's face, searching for any traces of the usual omni-present sarcasm that clouded his features, there was none.

"Xander, I'm fine, I mean, I'm never fine, but I'm okay." Buffy dropped her gaze down to the clothes on her bed.

"I swear I might be the one that's pregnant, but you're the one who's getting all mushy on me." Xander lifted his arms in mock surrender.

"Hey, Buff, share the wealth I've always said." The petite blonde laughed, her first real laugh in longer then she cared to admit.

"Hey," She said, scratching her head thoughtfully, "You're right about the whole mannequin thing. This is my baby, I can dress it however I want, I can even give it a little Mohawk and dress it up in like a little tiny biker suit." Glancing at her best friend's pained expression, Buffy amended;

"I won't though" Xander plucked a green t-shirt off the pile cluttering the bed and twirled it around his finger thoughtfully.

"So, you have an appointment with the doctor next month, huh? Can finally find out the baby's . . . . ."

"Xan, we're adults, I think we can say the word sex."

"Yeah, that, anyway, I was thinking; if you needed some moral support maybe I can go with you"

"Would you? It would be so great to have someone there to hold my hand, Dawnie's at school, and Spike . . . . Well, in case you haven't noticed Spike isn't all there."

"Since when has Spike ever been all there?" Buffy pretended to muse, forcing a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Well, never, but that's pretty much besides the point" Xander laughed and a comfortable silence fell over the seasoned fighters, the kind of silence only shared by people who had seen the world together and could still call each other friends. Almost subconsciously, Buffy's eyes started to fill with tears and she quickly wiped a hand over her face to clear the tell-tale signs of distress before Xander could notice, no such luck.

"Buff, are you okay?" He said, getting up off the bed and moving to stand next to her, ready to be the shoulder she cried on, she leaned into her friend's broad, plaid covered chest, allowing her tears to flow freely now, soaking into his shirt. In between sobs, she managed to mumble;

"I'm pregnant" The brunette carpenter patted Buffy's back, attempting to calm her tears.

"I kind of already realized that, Buff, you aren't doing that great of a job hiding it"

"I'm pregnant, with a vampire's child, a supposedly infertile, amnesiac vampire who's currently in my basement and offering to help me with my unborn child who, unbeknownst to him is his too." Buffy was still shaking in Xander's arms, but now she was shaking with laughter at the unbelievable situation she found herself in, all the air escaped out of her lungs as she laughed almost uncontrollably.

"I swear, these things always happen to me"

"Comes with being the Slayer" Buffy stood back and stared at her friend thoughtfully.

"You know what? I can handle this, I can handle all of this, I've done it pretty well so far and I can keep on doing it, unless" she raised her index finger in a stern gesture.

"Unless this is all part of some kooky prophecy, I can't handle those, they always end with me dying or getting hurt." Xander smiled and touched Buffy's arm gently.

"You'll be fine, Buff"


	5. Pain

The pain shot through Buffy's hand and into her heart like a knife. She ignored the pain in her hand and focused on the blonde vampire in front of her. He was dying for her, for reasons she couldn't fathom.

"I love you" she whispered. Spike's face contorted into a smile laced with pain,

"No, you don't, but thanks for saying it" Buffy opened her mouth to fight back; he couldn't die thinking she didn't love him, but all that came out was a scream. Buffy sat up in bed, sweat coursing down her body. Clamping her hand over her mouth, she waited for the familiar waves of nausea to course through her, _there we go. _Buffy thought, rushing into the bathroom. Using one hand to hold back her hair, she supported herself with the other, arm shaking as wave after wave of morning sickness flooded through her system. When nothing was left but dry heaves, she leant back against the bathtub. Seized with a sudden fit of rage she punched the wall opposite her. The blood trickled down her fist, marred by tiny flecks of porcelain embedded in her flesh. It wasn't fair, why was she the one that always got screwed over? The sudden rush of tears erupting in her eyes clouded her vision and she couldn't see the crimson staining her cream colored skin, she could feel it though. She sat there, clutching her bloody hand, feeling the pain surge through her, not making any move to stop it. She needed the pain, needed it to prove she was still alive. The pregnancy, Spike coming back, it was all too much like she was in some dream she couldn't wake up from. Whether it was a dream or a nightmare, she couldn't tell yet. After a countless amount of time, she got shakily to her feet and retrieved some gauze for her hand. She bound it and, almost without knowing what she was doing, climbed the stairs into the basement to where she knew Spike was waiting for her. He was sitting on the cot they had set up there, his back against the wall, eyes closed and face screwed up into the expression of someone thinking very hard.

"Spike?" she said hesitantly. His eyelids fluttered open, revealing his always breathtaking blue eyes.

"I'm sorry" he said, "Did I wake you?" Buffy shook her head.

"No, don't worry, I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night lately" Concern immediately flashed across the vampire's chiseled features, but whether it was concern for the woman who had taken him in, or concern for the woman he loved, Buffy couldn't tell and wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Is it the baby or bad dreams?"

"Both actually" Buffy laughed self-deprecatingly. Her bandaged hand brushed up against a nearby table and gave a twinge of pain, she winced without even thinking. Spike got to his feet, and quickly walked over to her, examining her hand, his vampiric eyesight taking in every line and scar, as if he were memorizing it. He delicately touched his thumb to the broken flesh hidden under several layers of gauze, and she shivered, the coolness of his touch eliciting unbidden memories when his icy touch had met her skin before.

"I'm sorry" he said, releasing her hand gently.

"What happened?" Buffy forced a smile

"Just some good old fashioned feeling sorry for myself gone violent"

"Are you alright?"

"Alright as I've ever been" Spike cocked his head and studied Buffy's face thoughtfully. Her face grew red under his inspection and she picked at a loose string hanging from her candy bedecked pajamas.

"So, what were you thinking about before?" Buffy asked eager to shift his attention to another subject.

"Sorry?"

"When I was coming down the stairs, you were sitting on the bed and you looked like you were thinking pretty hard." Buffy motioned towards the bed to further illustrate her point and spike's eyes followed her hand before moving to her face.

"Oh that, I was thinking, trying to remember"

"Do you remember anything?" Buffy asked, not sure if she wanted his answer or not.

"Little things, just flashes here and there, a smell or a feeling. . . . . . I . . ." Spike's eyes dropped to the floor, giving the pretense of examining the cracked basement floor, before returning to her face. Tears shone brightly in his electric blue orbs.

"Buffy, I think I was a bad man" For pretty much the first time in her life, the Slayer was speechless. She had tried to drill this thought into Spike's head a million times before his rapid departure. Especially at the height of his obsession with her, when he was trying to prove that he could be a good man and now he was finally saying it, finally accepting it. _No, _a part of Buffy's brain said, _this isn't Spike, it may look and talk and act like Spike but it's not. Whatever he is now, he's broken, like a piece is left out of him. _No, but that wasn't true either, it wasn't like there was a piece left out of him, it was like there was a piece too much. Something that threatened his Spike-ness and turned him into this unrecognizable,shatteredfacsimile of what he used to be. Buffy gathered him into her arms, not knowing what to say, how to comfort him. Spike clutched at Buffy in return, breathing in her scent, feeling her warm body pressed against his cold one, lending him her heat, and knew instinctively that he was where he was supposed to be.


	6. Excercise

"No, you have to find your center of balance and keep still" Dawn demonstrated, kneeling on the large purple exercise ball and using her arms to help keep her balance. Buffy attempted to imitate her, but ended up flat on her back.

"Ow" she winced, laying a hand on her back; she got quickly to her feet.

"God, Buffy, what happened to your Slayer sense of balance?" Buffy sat heavily on her exercise ball, with a pouting air.

"Went the same way as my bladder control and will to live" Dawn moved over to stand next to her sister and laid a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"First of all; don't worry so much Buffy, everything will be fine and second of all; ew" There was a knock at the door, and both girls looked up as Xander walked in, carrying two large plastic bags.

"Hello Summers ladies, what's happening?"

"You just missed Buffy looking like a clumsy whale." Dawn answered quickly; Buffy mock slapped her sister as she moved the large exercise balls out of the way.

"Damn," Xander said, smiling, "Oh well, next time, I guess" Buffy faced her best friend, an indignant expression on her face.

"There will not be a next time." Buffy, Xander and Dawn started towards the kitchen, where Xander deposited the bags on a counter and began unpacking them.

"So, what's the exercising, Buff? I thought you wanted to take it easy, not injure the tiny tot."

"I felt all pudgy and icky, I'm not used to being out of shape" Buffy made a face as she glanced down at her steadily levitating belly.

"You're lucky I love you, baby, I wouldn't get fat for anyone else"

"That and she wants to look all fit and hot for Spike" Dawn said, inserting a finger into a peanut butter jar and licking it clean. Buffy went to smack her sister again, but Dawn slid quickly out of the way.

"Ohoh, fat, uncoordinated and slow, where has our beloved Buffy gone?" Buffy moved threateningly towards her sister.

"I will hurt you, I swear to God, I don't care about the whole human thing, I will hurt you so bad" Xander stepped in between the two fighting sisters.

"Alright, even though there's nothing I like better then a cat fight, you," He pointed at Buffy, "Are pregnant, and you," he pointed at Dawn, "Are underage, and any further continuation of this catfight will only result in very disturbing imagery and possible jail time, and who wants that when I have . . . . " Xander removed several rental DVD cases from one of the bags, and fanned them out for the sisters' viewing pleasure.

"Chick flicks!" Buffy squealed in joy and snatched the DVDs away from Xander, examining them happily. The dark-haired carpenter turned to Dawn.

"What's with the mood swing? Wasn't she threatening your life a few seconds ago?"

"You'll get used to it, the other day she almost burst into tears while we were watching Jeopardy"

"Sssh" Buffy waved at her sister, as if she were an annoying fly she was attempting to shoo away.

"So, Xander, what's with the chick flicks? I thought you hated all the mushy gushy stuff" Xander shrugged his plaid-covered shoulders.

"I just figured it was the best way to spend some time with my two favorite ladies".

"Aw," Buffy said sweetly, before suddenly snapping to attention, and rushing to the living room with the movies.

"Quick, bring the popcorn." Xander and Dawn shook their heads.

"She's lucky we love her, or else we would kick her out on her rapidly increasing backside." The petite brunette teenager sighed.

"I heard that!" Buffy called.

Three movies and two Kleenex boxes later, Buffy and Dawn were curled up on the couch while Xander inserted the next movie into the DVD player. He settled himself in between Buffy and a dozing Dawn on the couch as soon as he was sure the movie was in.

"So, where's Captain Amnesia tonight?" he asked, forcing an easy camaraderie into his voice that he didn't feel. He had never liked Spike, and talking about him without wanting to rip his head off was never easy, especially after his little stunt in the bathroom a few months earlier, but Xander was a good friend, and he knew Buffy didn't need to be reminded of any of that.

"Spike?" Buffy clarified, Xander nodded.

"He's visiting some of his old haunts, trying to see if his memory will come back to him" She giggled under her breath, "It's so bad that I even had to draw him a map"

"You? Draw a map? Wow, it really must be bad then" Buffy reached across her sleeping sister and smacked her best friend's chest.

"Ow! Sorry, Buff, but you know it's true" Buffy inclined her head slightly in the smallest gesture of assent she could manage. The phone beside her rang suddenly and she jumped slightly. Ignoring Xander's girlish giggles, she answered it quickly.

"Hello?" Xander watched Buffy's face as she listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone line. He waited impatiently until she hung up and asked quickly, with an unsuccessful attempt at being suave;

"Who was that?"

"Giles, Willow's coming home" Buffy paused, breathing deeply. "Who wants to tell her I got knocked up?"


	7. Revelations

Buffy stood in the doorway of Willow's room, her old room and watched the Wicca meditate. It was her way of recovering from the Gnarl attack. No modern medicine for Willow, herbs and potions were the way to go. A small seed of worry planted itself deep in Buffy's belly, down where her child hid, would Willow lose control like she had when Tara had died? _No, _Buffy thought to herself, _I won't let that happen again._ She shifted her weight slightly and decided not to bother her. Willow's eyes fluttered open

"Buffy. . ."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt"

"That's all I had in me anyway"

"I didn't realize meditating was such hard work"

"I'm healing, growing new skin" Buffy pushed off from the doorframe and walked towards the red headed Wicca.

"Wow, that's magic, right? I mean, when most people meditate, they don't get extra skin, right. Cause Clem should, like, cut way back" Willow laughed a little at Buffy's naiveite, Slayer, she might be, but she was no conoisseur of the mystical arts. Buffy sat on the end of the bed, gazing at her friend.

"It's magic, I'm drawing power from the earth to heal myself" A flash of confusion flitted across the Slayer's face.

"We're on the second floor" Willow laughed again, the sound was refreshing, especially after her stint as demon-du-jour.

"You know Giles says everything is part of the earth, this bed, the air, us" Buffy strove to keep a sense of easy comraderie in the conversation, the kind that had been so simple before. It would take some work before everything could be the way it used to be, healing, on all sides.

"Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I'm not doing anything"

"Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon" Buffy hid a shiver at the memory of her thumbs sliding into the Gnarl's eyes, she had vomited for almost twenty minutes after coming home.

"True" Buffy admitted, hiding her disgust. Willow leaned back against her pillows, the exhaustion clearly etched into every facet of her face.

"You're tired, I should go"

"No, please stay, I missed you so much when I couldn't find you"

"We missed you too, I missed you. Dawn's, uh, working on what caused the mutual no-see-ums, but so far we haven't--

"I did it" Willow interrupted, Buffy strove to keep the shock from appearing on her face.

"You did a spell?"

"I didn't mean to" Willow asserted quickly, "I-I just remember thinking I wasn't ready to see you guys yet. I was afraid we wouldn't, you know, connect"

"So, you made it happen just by thinking?"

"Guess I have a ways to go before I master my powers, huh?"

"It's okay, as long as you're alright"

"It's nice to be forgiven, too bad I need so much of it." The Wicca attempted an easy air to her tone and failed miserably, she was still just the same old Willow, praying for her friends' forgiveness. Buffy laid a hand gently on one of Willow's.

"Will, don't worry, it'll be fine, everything will be fine." There was an annoying tick in the back of Buffy's brain, reminding her of her earlier threacherous thoughts, that maybe Willow had been behind the flayings, the Slayer pushed the thought to the back of her mind, Willow didn't need to hear that so soon after the event. Willow leaned forward, sighing, reattempting her meditating.

"I thought you were too tired" Buffy wondered out loud.

"It hurts too much not to try"

"I'm sorry" Buffy apologized, she wasn't sure for what, sapping Willow's energy, thinking the Wicca was behind the recent flayings, it could be either.

"It just takes so much strength, I don't have that much" Buffy moved closer to the Wicca, crossing her legs and taking both of Willow's hands in her own.

"Are you sure? What about the baby?" Buffy dropped her hands.

"Who told you?" Buffy's mouth was an 'O' of surprise.

"Anya" Willow admitted. "Plus it's not like you could hide it that well" Willow motioned to Buffy's baby bump.

"How did she know?" Buffy wondered

"Xander told her probably" Willow took a deep breath.

"Look, I know I have no right to be upset for you not telling me, but why---?"

"Because I was afraid" Willow looked like she had been slapped.

"Of me? Buffy, I would never do anything to ----"

"I know" Buffy interrupted, "and I wasn't afraid of that, I was afraid that if I told anybody, that it would make it real. Dawn figured it out for herself, it wasn't that hard, my constant 3 A.M bathroom runs would've clued anyone in, and she told Xander, but I've never actually told anyone who didn't already know I was pregnant, never said the words."

"So, go, ahead, I'm listening" Willow gazed at her friend expectantly as if they were sixth grade girls playing 'Truth or Dare'.

"But Will, you already know."

"Know what?" The bemused expression on the redhead's face silently prodded Buffy into playing along.

"Alright" Buffy shifted her weight slightly, and gazed at her best friend with wide eyes.

"Willow, I'm pregnant" Willow laid a hand against her chest, eyes wide with pretend shock.

"No way, I'm so happy for you Buffy, who's the father?" The relief Buffy felt at finally opening up drained away and she stared down at the bedspread.

"Spike" she whispered.

"Really? I thought, you know, being a vamp and all he couldn't make with all the procreating and everything"

"He can't, I mean, he couldn't, I don't know, I'll have Giles look into it . . . . as soon as I tell him"

"You haven't told Giles either?" Buffy looked up to face her friend again

"What part of 'haven't told anyone who didn't already know' didn't you get?"

"Oh" Willow straightened up slightly, looking a little proud of herself.

"What's with the ego boost, Will?"

"I'm just happy that I wasn't the last person to know."

"Far from it, now, are we gonna meditate or not?" Buffy placed her hands back into Willow's and both women closed their eyes, both content, at peace, for the moment.

Buffy sat on the couch, a large bowl of popcorn cradled in her lap, watching a movie, the meditating episode with Willow had sapped what little energy she had left, she just wanted to veg out and not have to think about anything, no such luck, Spike walked into the living room, pausing slightly to knock on the doorframe to alert Buffy of his presence.

"Hey, Spike, what's up?"

"Nothing, it was just getting a little lonely down in the basement" Buffy laughed.

"Nice hint there, it probably would've been more subtle if you hit me in the head with a baseball bat" She made some space on the ocuch for the blonde vampire.

"Pull up a cushion" Spike obliged her, taking his seat with an uneasy air that was so very unlike his former reincarnation.

"What are you watching?"

"Beauty and the Beast, I know it's lame and everything, but it's my favorite movie." Spike shrugged his shoulders in confusion, of course he'd never heard of it, or to be more precise, he never remembered hearing about it.

"Never mind, popcorn?" She offered him the bowl and he stared at it apprehensively.

"Am I-----? I mean can I have that?"

"Sure, I'm offering it, aren't I?"

"No, I mean, what with me being a vamp and all, can I eat normal food or is it just blood?"

"You can eat normal food, you just don't get any of the nutrients or what-not from them like us humans." Buffy explained patiently.

"Oh" Spike said and dug into the bowl, pulling out a handfull.

"So," he said between mouthfuls, "I haven't seen you for a while, lately, your sister, Dawn?" He continued at Buffy's nod, "Dawn's been delivering the pig's blood. I just, are you alright?" He gazed at her intently, his cobalt eyes burning into her.

"I'm fine, just brooding, if I learnt nothing else from my relationship with Angel, it was how to brood"

"Angel?" The vampire's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.

"My ex, he was a vampire" Buffy explained

"Angel" Spike searched through his memories for any thought linked to anyone named Angel.

"I don't think I liked him" Buffy laughed.

"No, not really" They were both silent for a moment, staring at the television screen.

"So, Spike, why are you up here? I got the impression you prefered it down in the basement." Spike looked away from Buffy's face annd studied his hands.

"I do, it's just, I guess I missed you." A slight blush crept across Spike's prominent cheekbones before he could quell it, he got up quickly before Buffy could react to his admission.

"Right, well" he said, speaking to the carpet, "The sun'll be up soon, I'd best tuck in. See you tomorrow" He turned swiftly and disapeared in the direction of the basement door, leaving Buffy with her mouth agape. She sat there for a few moments, thinking.

"Shit" she said finally and followed Spike into the basement.

"Spike?" Buffy called, descending the stairs carefully, Slayer senses on alert. The basement was dark and her Slayer senses always picked up in the dark to account for her lack of vision. Spike was seated on the cot, holding something loosely in his hands, as though he were afraid it would burn him. As Buffy moved closer, she realized it was the cross her mother Joyce sometimes used to top off their Christmas tree, it must have been in storage in one of the boxes, easy for Spike to find. Buffy cursed silently, she had forgotten to vamp-proof the basement. God only knew what else he could've found. Holy water, a copy of the Bible, and in his impaired state he wouldn't have known how harmful those things could've been to him. _Jesus, Buffy, _she mentally berated herself, _if you can't even take care of an amnesiac vampire, how are you gonna handle it when your baby comes tripping into the world? _

"Spike, give me that, it could hurt you"

"It's worse when I'm alone" He said, apparently to himself, he still hadn't acknowledged the Slayer's presence. _Oh great, just what I need, a crazy amnesiac vampire,_ Buffy griped internally. Externally, she said;

"What's worse?"

"The screaming, the pain. I can't see their faces, but I can see their pain and it's tearing me up inside." Buffy edged closer to Spike, no plan prominent in her mind, just wanting to get the cross away from the vampire before he could hurt himself with it.

"No, that's not it. That's not what's tearing me up, it's the other thing, the thing that's not supposed to be there, the thing that was missing"

"Okay, Spike, so not loving this random trip to the land of Crazy, what's going on?"

"I can feel it twisting and burning, like a snake inside of me." Buffy was close enough to Spike to touch him and she was surprised to her core to see tear tracks marring Spike's porcelain skin. There was something else though, something inside his eyes that was different, something that she couldn't quite place.

"So, if it burns me, I'll burn myself, make the voices go away" He squeezed the cross suddenly and small tendrils of smoke rose from his clenched fist. But Buffy made no move to stop him, she was frozen, staring into Spike's eyes, she had placed the extra thing in his eyes, it was something she had only seen once before in the eyes of a vampire.

"Spike," she said, voice cracking, "Your soul".


	8. Surprises

A.N: Alright here's the latest chapter. As I mention in this chapter, Buffy is in her fifth month and due for a surprise. Hey, what's Sunnydale without a few surprises?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.

Buffy sat uncomfortably on her OBGYN's examination chair, the loose paper gown she wore only added to her discomfort. Xander stood near the head of the chair, tapping his fingers impatiently against the paper covered chair, careful to stay towards Buffy's head, he didn't want to risk an eyeful that would make them both uncomfortable.

"So, Spike has a soul?" He asked in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence. "Yeah"

"But how? Did he piss off any Gypsy tribes lately?"

"Not that I know of and of course, he's no help. He doesn't even know he has his soul. All he knows is that something is giving him a hell of a lot of grief for things he can't even remember" Buffy exhaled in frustration.

"Ah, never a dull moment in good old SunnyD. But wait, how do you know he has a soul?"

"I just do" Buffy replied shortly, this wasn't a conversation she wanted to have while her feet were propped up like she was a turkey about to be stuffed for Thanksgiving dinner. Both cut the conversation short as the doctor finally walked in, carrying Buffy's chart.

"Ah, Miss. Summers" She said, closing the door behind her and taking a seat in front of the ultrasound machine.

"And this must be . . . . ."

"Xander Harris" Buffy offered quickly, "He's a friend" The Slayer stressed the word 'friend' slightly.

"Alright, nice to meet you, Mr. Harris" She offered a hand towards him and Xander took it awkwardly, channeling the clumsy geek he had tried so hard to hide since high school, aw, hell, it wasn't everyday your best friend took you to her OBGYN's. Granted, he was the second choice as the father was an amnesiac vampire with a soul, but still. Dr. Brown turned to the chart, studying it.

"So, according to this, you just entered your fifth month" She smiled softly,

"You know what that means don't you?"

"Yup" Buffy let out a nervous breath, she knew she had no reason to be worried, but there was no controlling feelings, especially a pregnant woman's feelings.

"Are you sure you want to know the baby's sex? Some parents prefer to wait until the birth; it's more of a surprise." Buffy shook her head.

"No, I want to know. I don't think I can make it through another four months with my sister hounding me to find out." The doctor smiled again.

"Alright, so this is going to feel a little cold at first" She picked up a small bottle of gel and squirted it onto Buffy's belly. She picked up the wand-y thing attached to the ultrasound machine and used it to rub in the gel. The small screen registered the picture of what looked like an oddly shaped ball. Xander squinted his eyes at the screen, then straightened in awe.

"Whoa, Buff, is that a---?"

"It's a leg, Xander, not a penis"

"Well then why are there three of them?" Buffy squinted at the screen

"There aren't three of them, there are four of them." She looked up at her doctor in alarm,

"Doctor, why does my baby have four legs?" Dr. Brown studied the image and finally turned to Buffy with a smile on her lips.

"Your baby doesn't have four legs, Miss. Summers, you have two babies" The doctor's words took a few seconds to register in Buffy's addled mind.

"Twins?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yes" the doctor confirmed, looking back at the screen, "Two girls, by the looks of it" Buffy stared at the image of her daughters as if burning it into her subconscious, finally, a muffled thud jerked her back to reality. Xander had fainted.

"Twins?" Dawn screeched into the phone. Buffy held the phone at arm's length to try to reduce the damage to her eardrum. She had called her sister from her cell phone immediately after reviving Xander and leaving the doctor's office, no, she was beginning to wish she hadn't, if only for the sake of her Slayer hearing.

"What are you having? No, wait; let me guess, a boy and a girl, no, two boys"

"I'm having two little girls, Dawn" This time Dawn actually screamed into the phone and Xander turned to Buffy, confused at the sounds issuing from her cell phone, he had lived on the Hellmouth for way too long.

"Oh my God, this is going to be so much fun; I can dress them up in matching dresses and do their hair the same way, oooooh this is going to be so much fun"

"Dawn, hun, you do realize that since I am the mother, I have control over all the dressing and hairdressing decisions?"

"I know, I know" Dawn grumbled, "Hey, can I name one of them?" Buffy laughed, her sister's excitement was threatening to overpower her own.

"Dawnie, calm down, let's discuss this when I get home."

"That means yes, right? Ooh, I'm gonna go on the internet to check out baby names right now"

"Okay, Dawn, you do that, we'll be home soon" She hung up the phone, smiling. Xander looked at her with a concerned expression on his face.

"You didn't tell her what the doctor said?" The smile dropped off of Buffy's face.

"No, not yet, let her enjoy this for a little bit and then I'll tell her" Xander opened his mouth to chastise Buffy but she cut him off.

"Look, Xan, I know you mean well, but Dawn deserves to be happy, at least for a little while, without anything bad happening, just give her a few days and then I'll tell her."


	9. Complications

A.N: Alrighty, so here is the big reveal about what the doctor told Buffy, this story is no good without a few twists. And for all of you out there that are expressing concern over the fact that this is going to be a prophecy baby, don't worry there's a perfectly normal answer, well, as normal an answer as you can get on the Hellmouth. Right, so since I had to play with the timeline and everything to make the date of Buffy's conception actually happen when Spike and Buffy were still doing the naughty, a lot of the episodes will be messed up. So episodes like 'Help' and even the majority of 'Lessons' which deal with Dawn going to school, will only come into the story later on. Right now, since Buffy's in her 5th month and she conceived somewhere in February, it's in July and still another month before Dawn returns to school. Anyway, enough of this super long Author's Note hope you enjoy the story and review please.

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, I own nothing

A.N #2: I'm reposting this because I realized that when I posted it for the first time, I included a part of the chapter beforehand. Sorry about that, hopefully it didn't confuse anyone too much.

Buffy cradled two cups of hot chocolate in her hands and stood in front of the basement door, steeling herself to go downstairs. She exhaled loudly and chastised herself mentally. So what if it was her first meeting with Spike since the whole soul-having revelation? It wasn't like anything was different. Buffy snorted in laughter, sometimes she was such a child, and here she was having two. She finally reached for the door handle but couldn't get a grip on it, due largely to the oversized mug she had in her hand.

"Stupid pregnancy, first my stomach gets fat, then my ankles, now my fingers, what's next?" She juggled the mugs for a few seconds but the splash of steaming hot liquid on her hand stopped her.

"How am I supposed to open this door?" she asked herself. The answer came in a flash of inspiration. She bent back wards slightly and balanced the cup on her stomach, steadying it with one hand and reaching for the door handle with the other.

"Buffy?" Willow said, rounding the corner, "What's going on?"

"Oh, Will, look, I learned a new trick" she motioned to the cup balanced precariously on her stomach.

"Pretty soon I'll be able to do that standing up straight"

"Were you going to see Spike?" the redhead asked.

"Yeah," Buffy admitted, "I wanted to bring him some hot chocolate to lessen the blow."

"Lessen the blow?"

"Yeah, you know 'oh by the way, I'm pregnant with your twins, I have no idea how it happened but do you want some hot chocolate?"

"You're going to tell him?"

"Yeah, figured I'd ride the wave of excitement from finding out about the twins all the way down to the basement and tell Spike before I chickened out."

"Sorry, Buff, I just saw Spike leave about twenty minutes ago, said something about going to the blood bank."

"Damn" Buffy said, "Oh well, no icky confrontations for Buffy tonight" Willow studied her friend's face with a curious expression.

"Buffy, what's wrong with the twins?" Buffy's face fell.

"Or not" Buffy sighed and moved into the kitchen, Willow trailing close behind. She set the mugs on the counter and sat down.

"Don't change the subject, Buff"

"I'm not, no change-age of the subject by me" She took a gulp off her hot chocolate, and looked Willow in the eye.

"Why do you think something's wrong with the twins?" Willow sat down next to Buffy and sighed.

"I can feel it, it's like everybody has an aura, right? Well, your's is stronger then most because of the whole Slayer thing. So normally, it's full of your power and protective vibe and now there's like an undercurrent of darkness, like something is really, seriously wrong" Buffy sighed again and almost subconsciously, laid a hand on her belly and stroked it absently.

"The doctor, she said, something about the twins being monochorionic or monoamniotic or something. What it really comes down to is that the twins are sharing the same placenta, which could lead to something bad."

"What do you mean something bad?"

"As in there's a 50 chance that one of my babies could die. There's this thing that happens, where the umbilical cord gets twisted around one of the babies' necks and it could . . ." She looked down into her hot chocolate and a tear dropped into it. She looked back up at her best friend, tear tracks coursing down her face.

"Will, I was so worried about what could happen to them once they come, I never even considered that something might, something might kill them before they're even born" Willow gathered Buffy into a hug, stroking her back gently.

"Sssh, Buffy, everything will be fine"

"How can you know that?" Buffy sobbed

"I'll cast a protection spell over the twins, a heavy-duty one"

"But that's magic, aren't you afraid it'll go kabloo-y?"

"Its good magic, it's to protect the Slayer and her babies, I'm sure the Powers that Be will let this one go" The Slayer loosened Willow's hold on her to gaze into her eyes.

"Will, just promise me you won't tell Dawnie"

"Too late" said a voice from the doorway; both women looked up to see Dawn standing in the kitchen doorway.

"I couldn't sleep" she explained before joining Buffy and Willow's hug.

"Everything will be fine, Buffy, don't worry" There was a moment of silence as all three just enjoyed the feeling of being together, after Willow's brush with the dark side, it had seemed impossible for this moment to ever happen again. Add in a Slayer expecting twins and the whole situation was somewhere beyond the realm of 'That's never gonna happen', then Dawn said;

"Hey, I'm still naming one of them" Buffy erupted into something between a sob and a laugh and said;

"God, being a mom sucks"

After the other two girls had gone to bed, Buffy had wandered the house aimlessly and finally happened upon the phone. Steeling herself, she dialed Giles' number in London. Twirling the phone cord around her finger, she waited impatiently through the ringing, until his answering machine picked up.

"Hey Giles," she said to the machine, "It's me, Buffy. I didn't really expect you to answer your phone seeing as how it's like 2:30 over here, so that means it's like 6:30 over there, but you never know I mean maybe you get up early to make a super early cup of tea. Okay, so I'm babbling, I know, I just really need to talk to you right now, not just some stupid answering machine. Something bad is happening, Giles and I don't know how to fight it, don't even know if I can fight it, but I need your help. Which is slightly stupid considering you're an ocean away, but still, getting back to the point, can you just give me a call when you get this message or when you get any of the other ones I left already? Okay, thanks" She laid the phone gently back in the cradle and stared at it for a long minute before turning around and heading for the basement. She knocked lightly on the door to make sure Spike really was gone and when there was no answer, she opened the door and proceeded down the stairs. She settled herself into the cot, knowing she was going to have to pay for the uncomfortable bed in the morning in the form of aches and pains but at the moment, she couldn't care less. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of Spike before sliding off to sleep.

Spike entered the house a few hours later with dawn nipping at his heels. He ran to the basement and its cool safety and stopped dead at the sight of the petite pregnant blonde lying in his cot. He approached her slowly and kneeled a few centimeters away from her. He could feel her warm breath against his cool skin and the effect was startling to say the least. It set the long dead nerves in his face a flame; it was almost as though she were breathing new life into him. He knelt in front of her, mesmerized and the realization slowly dawned on him, he had loved this woman. In some distant part of his past, separate from this scary, amnesia ridden place he know called his brain, he had loved her with all of his undead heart. He eased himself into a sitting position on the floor and laid his head on her pregnant belly. He could hear two heart beats inside, and wondered if she knew, or if the father did.


	10. Guest

When Buffy woke up with a weight on her stomach, her first instinct was to freak, fling whoever the hell was touching her babies across the room and wail on them until she couldn't feel her fists anymore, but something inside her urged her to stop and wait. She glanced down and was startled by a brilliant flash of white. 'Spike' she smiled, before slipping back to sleep.

The next morning, Buffy ascended the basement steps slowly and groggily, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She grabbed an apple from the fruit basket next to the microwave and took a bite. At the beginning of her pregnancy, her doctor had told her that apples had the ability to wake someone up faster then coffee and they were better for the baby, babies. Having succeeded in pushing back the fog of exhaustion, Buffy's Slayer senses suddenly came into play. There was a rustling noise in the living room, followed with a lot of banging and moving of furniture. There was a muffled curse word and Willow came flying into the kitchen.

"Buffy, you're awake" she said loudly, a little too loudly to be talking to someone two feet away.

"Yeah, Will, what's with the volume? I'm not deaf."

"Right, sorry" Willow started wringing her hands, a sure sign that the Wicca was nervous or hiding something, possibly both.

"Will, what's going on?"

"Nothing, why don't you go get dressed and then we can go see a movie or something, k?" There was definitely something up with Willow, but Buffy decided to humor her.

"Alright" she said, attempting to push past her into the living room, but Willow quickly laid a hand on Buffy's arm.

"No! Not that way, Dawnie spilt some milk on the floor and I wouldn't want you to slip" Buffy gave her friend a suspicious look, what was going on here? Willow just smiled, somewhat awkwardly and began to lead Buffy through the dining room and up the stairs.

When Buffy descended the stairs, dressed in a flowy, empire-waisted shirt and maternity pants, she could hear a rustle of activity in the living room. She sighed inwardly, her friends and sister meant well, but sometimes their attempts at surprising her fell completely flat. Girding herself against the torment sure to be coming, she took a deep breath and stepped into the living room. She gasped in surprise, there were balloons and crepe paper and ribbons everywhere. There was even a large banner hanging over the fireplace that read: 'It's a girl!' and someone had added the word: 'twice' onto the end.

"What the hell?" she said. Willow and Dawn who had been bent over something on the coffee table turned around quickly.

"Oh, surprise" They said together.

"What is this?" Anya came bustling out if the kitchen, carrying a large tray of assorted finger foods and placed them on a table.

"It's a baby shower, an excuse for pregnant woman to get the things they're too fat and tired to get themselves" Buffy was surprised to see Anya; they hadn't seen much of the woman since the debacle with the Gnarl demon.

"You guys threw me a baby shower?" she asked incredulously

"Well, yeah" Dawn said, "Even though you are all supernatural and Chosen and whatever, you're still a woman, a pregnant one and all pregnant women deserve a baby shower. Plus, what else could we have done with this?" She reached behind her and pulled a large card shaped like a baby carriage off of the table.

"We all signed it" She said, "Even Spike"

"And me" Anya piped up. Buffy stared at the card and at her surroundings, and felt tears come to her eyes.

"You guys" she said

"No" Willow moved forwards and escorted Buffy over to the couch to sit down, "No crying, this is a no cry zone. Now, open your presents and eat some finger foods"

The next few hours passed by in a blur, Dawn and Willow presenting Buffy with a flurry of gifts. There were onesies and bottles and stuffed animals and the cutest little shoes Buffy had ever seen in her life. There was also a very strange contraption that she stared at until Anya piped in cheerfully;

"It's a breast pump"

"It's a what's-it?"

"A breast pump. It sucks out a bunch of milk so you can you know store some of it in bottles and stuff, so you don't always have to always be a walking milk factory" Anya smiled hugely and Buffy grinned with her, this was all just very strange.

"Thank you guys, for everything, this is amazing, and I can't believe you went through all this trouble just for me."

"Buff, please, you've saved the world how many times? I think one little baby shower is the least we can do." Willow said.

"Oh and we've decided that we're all going to be the godmothers for the babies." Dawn added cheerfully

"Oh, really? So one baby gets two godmothers and the other one just gets one? That doesn't seem fair." Buffy laughed

"That's why we're not doing that, the three of us are going to be both the babies' godmothers." Willow elaborated

"Do I get any say in this?" Buffy asked, trying to sound commanding but it came out more as a laugh.

"Nope, you have to let us be the godmothers" Dawn said

"Why do I _have _to let you guys be godmothers?"

"Cause you have no one else to ask" Anya pointed out. Buffy pretended to think about it, scratching her chin studiously.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But what about the godfathers?"

"Oh, Xander or Giles can do that. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to." Buffy was suddenly uneasy, scratching at a spot on the carpet with her toe.

"Have you not told Giles yet?" Willow asked incredulously.

"Well, it's not like I haven't tried, I've been calling him like crazy since last night, but he's not picking up his phone" Willow's forehead creased with worry at Buffy's words

"Not picking up? That's very un-Giles-y, I wonder if something happened" The doorbell rang then, interrupting Buffy's response and she heaved herself to her feet, one hand placed on the small of her back. _How I'm gonna survive 4 more months of this, I have no idea._ She thought to herself. She made it to the door finally, and called back to the waiting trio of girls;

"I swear, if you guys hired me a stripper, I'm going to be very upset." The door swung open and there was Giles, smiling big.

"Giles" Buffy said, shocked, "You're not a stripper" Giles' smile widened

"Afraid not" he looked her over, searching for any bumps or bruises and his eyes rested on her bump of a belly.

"And you're pregnant?" he asked, shocked

"Afraid so" She intertwined her hands, just below her belly and waited impatiently for his reaction. He removed his glasses and began to clean them furiously.

"Oh dear" he said.

Buffy, Dawn and Giles sat together on the couch, clutching steaming mugs of tea. They had called Xander over too and now, he, Willow and Anya stood scattered around the room.

"So, you're pregnant?" Giles asked, still trying to figure everything out in his head

"Yup" Buffy said, reaching for a witty quip to accompany that and fell short, realizing Giles, good old predictable Giles was freaking out and needed answers, not humorous quips.

"How far along?" Giles asked again, staring into his mug, face expression-less

"5 months" Buffy answered. Giles lifted his head a bit, about to say something, but seemingly changed his mind and looked back at his mug.

"What are you having?"

"Two girls" Buffy said, holding her breath as she presented him with another bomb. Giles looked at her now, eyes sparkling.

"Twins? You're having twins?"

"Yeah" Buffy said, nodding, "I just found out the other day" Giles nodded too, and looked back at his mug.

"And the father?" he asked, and the tone of his voice hinted that this was what he had been leading up to since he had first noticed her baby belly.

"Spike" she whispered. Giles looked back up at her, eyes wide with surprise and apprehension.

"Spike? Vampire Spike? William the Bloody Spike?" Buffy nodded, examining his face, searching for a reaction. This time, he didn't disappoint. He leapt to his feet and paced back and forth in front of the couch, his face a map of emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, they were all there. Giles took a deep breath.

"Spike is the father of your children?"

"Last time I checked, yeah"

"How?"

"I don't know, Giles, I really don't, but I can see what you're going to say and I want to stop you before you say it. I know these babies are half vampire, I realize that, but they're also half Slayer. And I know that you'll go on and on about how my babies might not even be human, how they might be demons or whatever, but they're my babies, Giles, my daughters and I have to believe that there's something good there. I mean, I've been through hell, I can't accept that the Powers that Be would give something as amazing as this and then make me suffer more, it's just not fair" Giles stared at his determined Slayer for a moment, examining her face and finally nodded.

"Alright, Buffy, I don't like this situation but you're right. We've been through much worse than Slayers impregnated by vampires, we can muddle through this"

"Amnesiac vampires" Anya piped up from the opposite side of the room, and everyone, other than Giles turned to glare at her. Giles turned to Buffy in shock, sitting back down on the couch, the Slayer meanwhile was meaningfully glaring at the ex-vengeance demon, more just to have somewhere to look than out of any actual anger.

"Amnesiac?" he asked, and Buffy switched her attention to Giles slowly, turning to face him as a child might, expecting a punishment from their parent. She laughed nervously, attempting to relieve some of the tension in the air.

"Yeah, see, funny story: Spike showed up a little while ago and um, he has no idea who he is, or who I am or really anything at all" Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them furiously, his default setting in times of awkwardness or weirdness.

"Is he . . . That is to say; is he . . .?"

"With the crazy blood-lust and animalistic urges like Angel was when he came back from hell? Not at all, he actually seems to be channeling William, like pre-Spike William" Buffy was surprised at the level of intensity in her voice, she very badly wanted Giles' opinion in all of this, and she very badly wanted it to be positive. It shocked her sometimes, how much she saw Giles in a paternal light, but it wasn't her fault, at least not now, blame it on the excess of hormones that came with being pregnant. Giles sat there on the couch, sandwiched between Dawn and herself, looking oddly small, and Buffy realized that she had finally stumped him. She had finally come up with a situation that he couldn't explain away with all of his fancy ancient texts, and surprisingly, that thought scared her. If Giles, librarian extraordinaire, couldn't figure out a meaning behind this whole sticky situation, who on Earth would be able to? Giles' posture straightened immediately, and he positioned his glasses back on his nose, his eyes shone with a look Buffy had seen quite a few times before. They were presented with a seemingly impossible situation, so what, it had happened before, the only thing to do now was to figure out a way out of it, as impossible as that may seem.

"Right then, well, I say we start researching, try and find any prophecies or anything that foretold this. Willow, try and see if this has ever happened before, look as far back as you possibly can. The rest of you, just try to make yourself useful." He stood up, hunched over slightly, as though the weight of the world had just been deposited on his shoulders.

"Where are you going?" Dawn asked, staring after him as he exited the living room.

"I'm going to rest, I'll be of no help to anyone if I'm suffering from jet lag" without another word, he left the room, and climbed up the stairs. Buffy stood up as well, and traced Giles' steps, one hand braced against her lower back.

"And what about you?" Xander asked, "What's your excuse?" Buffy turned back to her friend, too tired to fight. The events of the past few minutes had exhausted her, and she knew that exhaustion plus excess pregnancy hormones equaled very bad things.

"Xander, I'm pregnant, I don't need an excuse" Buffy left then, climbing the stairs carefully and finally collapsing into her bed, sleep claiming her almost immediately.


	11. Truth

_A.N: Alright, so this is my second chapter posted in less than 24 hours, I'm on a real writing streak right now, so you guys should expect even more within the next few days. This is sort of my way of apologizing for being so late with the updates. I hope you keep reading and keep reviewing._

Buffy stood in front of the open fridge, one hand firmly placed on her hip, the other gripping the fridge handle tightly. The basement door opened and closed behind her but she was too engrossed in her searching to acknowledge it.

"Goddamn it" she muttered under her breath, and slammed the fridge door closed. Behind her, Spike advanced slowly, confusion etched into his face.

"Buffy, are you alright?" he asked, stopping several feet away from the pregnant blonde, who was now throwing open cabinet doors determinedly, searching for something.

"No, I'm not" she mumbled, just low enough that if Spike hadn't had vampiric hearing, he probably wouldn't have caught her words.

"Why not?" he asked, keeping a safe distance away from Buffy, for fear that one of the doors she was yanking open would fly off and hit him in the face.

"Because I want something to eat, but there's nothing in this stupid house" She finally gave up her disgruntled searching, and slammed her palms down on the kitchen island.

"Didn't Willow go grocery shopping yesterday?" He asked, lips fumbling over the unfamiliar name.

"Yeah, for normal people food" Buffy retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at Spike for the first time since he had arrived upstairs. Confusion washed over his face as he attempted to disentangle the meaning behind Buffy's words.

"I don't understand" he admitted finally. Buffy threw her hands up in exasperation, as though it was Spike's fault that there was no edible food in the house.

"I'm pregnant" she pointed out and Spike nodded, feeling ridiculously like he was missing a large part of the puzzle.

"I've noticed that, kind of hard not to" he answered, the sarcastic response rolling easily off of his tongue, as though it was something he was used to, but as usually the fog of amnesia clouded any remembrance of his past.

"I'm pregnant and I have a craving" Buffy said, once again turning to examine the cabinet, as though she had missed something the first time around.

"For what exactly?" Spike asked

"I don't know!" Buffy cried, giving up her search for good, and turning to face Spike, eyes silently pleading for him to understand, to relieve some of her tension.

"So, you have a craving, but you don't know for what, and there's nothing in the house that appeals to you" he said, piecing the puzzle together mentally.

"Yes" Buffy cried, jubilantly, "Can you help me?" Spike shook his head and glanced down at the floor.

"I don't think so; I'm not good with food" Spike caught Buffy nodding out of the corner of his eye.

"Vampire, right" Inspiration struck Spike suddenly and he moved towards the cabinets, looking for something.

"There was something, I heard Dawn and Willow talking about it a few days ago, maybe it'll work"

"What?" Buffy asked, curiously edging towards the vampire. He stopped searching suddenly, hands falling on a package of Oreos and a container of peanut butter. Spike turned to face the Slayer with a triumphant grin on his face, and Buffy couldn't help it, she grinned along with him.

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"So," Buffy said, dipping yet another Oreo into the peanut butter, "You don't remember anything, like at all?"

"Little things" Spike answered, unscrewing the top off of an Oreo and spooning some peanut butter onto it. "Mostly sounds, or feelings, or . . ." He stared at his Oreo intently, as though it hid the secrets of the universe. Buffy edged closer to him, intrigued. They had taken the Oreos and peanut butter up to Buffy's room. Being alone with Spike in her room was something Buffy wouldn't even have thought about a few months ago, but she figured, what with the soul and the amnesia, what could it hurt? She was lying on her side on her bed, her nearly six-month pregnant belly making it impossible to lie on her stomach anymore, and Spike sat on the floor next to her bed.

"Or what?" Buffy asked, curiosity piqued, Spike simply shook his head, refusing to look at Buffy, refusing even to answer her. A wave of annoyance flooded over Buffy, blame it on the pregnancy, blame it on whatever you wanted, but in that moment she missed the old Spike, the one that wouldn't hesitate to say anything, no matter what the repercussions might be.

"Come on, Spike, you can tell me, I'm a pretty good secret keeper"

"Sometimes, I remember you" he said finally, and Buffy, shocked, sat up on her bed, moving closer to Spike.

"What do you mean; you remember me?" she asked, and her sudden overwhelming urge to truly understand what he meant surprised her. She really and truly wanted to know what he meant, and why he meant it.

"I don't remember any specific details, but I remember you. You're just familiar, you know? Sometimes you smile or you laugh and I can't help thinking that I've seen that before, it's just so bloody familiar that it hurts sometimes, not being able to remember where or when I've seen it before" Buffy nodded, looking down at her forgotten Oreo clasped in her hands. Something was brewing in her mind, something was hiding just beneath the surface of her thoughts, something that scared her, both because of the intensity of it and because of the fact that she didn't know what it was. Spike looked up at her then and she felt compelled to meet his gaze.

"I think I loved you" he said, the unmistakable feeling of truth tinged his words and Buffy felt an uncomfortable lump rise in her throat.

"You did" she said

"And I don't think you loved me back" he added, blue eyes burning into her, silently asking if he was right, all the while hoping that he wasn't.

"I didn't" she said finally. Both looked down towards the floor and the forgotten Oreos and peanut butter, an uncomfortable silence settling over them.

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"So what happened after that?" Willow asked, leaning towards her best friend eagerly.

"Nothing" Buffy answered, shrugging her shoulders uselessly, "He made up some excuse about having to go to the blood bank and took off"

"Wow" Willow said, leaning back against her chair. Around them, the Scooby gang was researching any possible explanation for Buffy's pregnancy, so far, there hadn't been any evidence of prophecies concerning their situation, and the only other time a Slayer had been pregnant was back in 1970s, but that time the father had been a plain old human, no vampiric chromosomes added.

"Aha!" Anya cried from across the table, "I found something." The rest of the gang gathered around the ex-vengeance demon, craning to take a look at her computer screen, she had relieved Willow of her laptop earlier, to, in her words: 'Make this stupid piece of crap do something useful for once'. Now her brows knitted together in confusion.

"No, wait, my bad, this says two vampires had a baby, not a vampire and a Slayer"

"Does it say who it was?" Buffy asked, still seated and craning her neck towards the swarm of Scoobies around the laptop. Her back had been hurting more than usual today, shooting uncomfortable stabs of pain throughout her body, so she had made a point of sitting and resting. At her question though, the whole of the Scooby gang suddenly began looking elsewhere, pointedly avoiding Buffy's gaze and her question.

"What?" Anya asked, looking at the rest of the gang looking as confused as Buffy felt. "Why aren't you guys answering Buffy's question? That's rude, you know" she turned to Buffy and said; "It's Angel, Angel and Darla, they had a son, I think it says here his name is Connor" Buffy suddenly felt as though the bottom had dropped out of her stomach. _Angel has a son, since when? Why didn't he tell me?_ Her mind raced with all sorts of questions, most of them springing from the sudden undercurrent of hurt Anya's words had caused.

"Oh" she said, unsure of how to put her emotions into words. Before anyone could question Buffy on her answer, or lack thereof, Giles threw a book down on the table, a wide grin splashed across his face.

"Don't hurt the books, Giles, they have feelings too" Xander joked, trying to relieve some of the tension in the air. Giles just ignored Xander's comment and peered down at his book, one finger tracing his progress along the page.

"Buffy, when were the babies conceived?" he asked, glancing up at the Slayer. Xander held up his hands in a 'too much information' pose.

"Giles, that's a bit personal, don't you think?" This time, Buffy ignored Xander as while, sensing that Giles was on to something, perhaps the something that would solve this whole icky mess once and for all.

"Um," she said, mentally calculating, "Well, if I make it to full term, my due date's November 30th, so probably around the end of February"

"Then it all makes sense" Giles exclaimed, wiping his glasses off and cleaning them excitedly.

"What makes sense?" Dawn asked, examining the exchange between Buffy and Giles with as much confusion as everyone else.

"Right around the end of February, Riley appeared looking for demon eggs, did he not? He was under the impression that someone was hiding them"

"Yeah, the Suvolte demon" Buffy supplied, mind still grappling for the connection between this and her pregnancy. At the same time, mentally blocking out her memories of that night, she remembered it well, but not for the reason Giles was talking about, that was the night Buffy broke it off with Spike for good, the night she broke his heart.

"And you said that Riley found the eggs in Spike's crypt"

"Yeah" Buffy answered

"And I assume, you and Spike were . . . intimate in the vicinity of these eggs" Giles answered, his British-ness overpowering the extreme awkwardness in his sentence.

"Yes" Buffy answered, blushing slightly.

"Then that's the answer" Giles said, looking extremely proud of himself, the rest of the Scooby gang, however, looked completely bewildered.

"No offense, G-man, but what the hell are you talking about?" Xander asked, voicing the thought running through the minds of all gathered.

"These eggs, these Suvolte eggs, they have some magical properties, nothing cataclysmic, but definitely worth taking notice over. One of these properties is increased fertility, even in vampires. Normally vampires are barren, unable to procreate at all, but these eggs provide a temporary awakening to the reproductive matter, making it possible, albeit for a short time for a vampire to reproduce." Giles triumphantly slammed his book shut, grinning widely, the rest of the group looked just as bewildered as before, unsure whether this new development was good news or bad news. In confusion, they turned to Buffy, as they had so many times before. Buffy pondered this revelation for a moment, smoothing out the innumerable thoughts in her head.

"So, these babies," she said finally, haltingly, "These babies are mine, really mine, not because of some weird prophecy or curse or something, they're mine, right?"

"Precisely" Giles answered, "The Suvolte eggs don't have any negative effects on the child after it is born, as far as I can see. It's more of an aid in conception, like In-vitro fertilization" The whole gang turned once more to Buffy, to see what her reaction would be. She stood up slowly, a sudden stab of pain in her back, and excused herself from the room, making her way into the basement. She noticed Spike sitting once more on the cot, white head bowed over a book. When he noticed her, he leapt to his feet, unsure of how to react to her appearance.

"Buffy, I . . ." He started, but Buffy cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Do you want to be my babies' surrogate father?" she asked, momentarily striking the vampire speechless.

"I mean, I understand if you don't, but I just found out some news, some pretty amazing news and well, it just comes down to the fact that my girls are completely normal, well as normal as the daughters of a vampire slayer can be, but they aren't caused by some prophecy or something, so they're pretty normal in my book. And it's just that, the father is gone, I don't know if he's ever coming back, but since my babies are going to be normal, I want them to have as normal a life as they can, and that includes having a father." Spike once again found his voice

"But Buffy, I'm a vampire" he said

"And I'm a Slayer" she retorted, refusing to see his point.

"Why would you ask me? Xander is your friend; you've known him a lot longer than you've known me, I think, and he's completely normal, no demon inside of him at all"

"Because you're a good guy, Spike, I mean, Xander is too, but he was born that way, you fought for it, battled so hard." She sighed, searching for words. "Look, Spike, I don't know if I can ever love you the way you deserve to be loved, the way you loved me, but my girls can. They can love you as much as they can love me, and you deserve to have that, to know that kind of love once in your life." She stared down at her feet to hide the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes, no such luck. Spike caught sight of them and moved towards Buffy quickly, holding her face in his hand and wiping the tears away with his thumb. She leant into his chest then, surprising both of them, and Spike smoothed down her hair.

"Alright" he said finally, "I'll do it"


	12. Time

Several months passed and soon Buffy was beginning her eighth month. Her stomach had grown exponentially, and soon even just walking around the house without waddling was impossible. She visited her doctor often to make sure that there were no problems, everything checked out, but the doctor had put her on bed rest for the remainder of her final trimester as a pre-emptive strike, to make sure everything stayed problem-free. Since she was carrying twins and since she had such a small frame, the doctor warned Buffy that she would deliver before full-term, probably at 37 weeks rather than 40. And now, entering her 36th week of pregnancy, Buffy began praying to any higher power that might exist that she finally give birth already. She couldn't seen her toes when standing straight up anymore, she could barely even get out of bed without someone helping her up, and her mood swings were getting more and more violent as time went on. The gang helped as much as they could, but even their patience was beginning to wear thin, everyone eagerly awaited the day the twins were finally delivered. Buffy had explained to Giles about Spike's soul and along with the very few memories Spike could make out about the miraculous return of his soul, (demon with glowing eyes, extreme, unbelievable pain), Giles had managed to find reference of a demon with the power to grant wishes or exact terrible revenge whenever the mood suited it. The Scoobies had come to the conclusion that this was the demon that returned Spike's soul, it certainly had the power to and all the rest of the evidence fit. The only thing that bothered them was what exactly Spike had done for the demon to place such a curse on him. Buffy, meanwhile, secretly and self-indulgently, thought that Spike had asked for his soul to be returned. She didn't voice her suspicions aloud, afraid that they would turn out to be false. Spike and Buffy had begun to get closer and closer after Buffy asked him to be the surrogate father to her children, Spike had even moved his cot into the corner of Buffy's room, and usually woke up with her in the middle of the night when she needed to run to the bathroom or when her dreams woke her up. Like the steadily increasing size of her belly, the dreams kept getting stronger and stronger as her pregnancy progressed, and soon Buffy could barely close her eyes without another nightmare popping up. The only times she managed to evade them were the nights when she would fall asleep next to Spike, his cold hands massaging her aching back or playing absently in her hair. Buffy had revealed her feelings about this to Willow one night, when she, Dawn and Willow had had a mini-slumber party and Spike had left the room for the night, allowing the old friends some privacy.

"I don't know, Will" Buffy had said, "It's almost like a normal pregnancy, what with Spike waking up with me every night, and taking such good care of me, all we're missing now is the white picket fence and the apple pie baking in the oven and it's a pregnancy straight out of the 50s."

"Except for the whole amnesiac vampire thing" Willow pointed out, motioning with her nail polish brush.

"And the whole he-has-no-idea-he's-actually-the-father thing" Dawn added, and Buffy flung Mr. Gordo at her sister's head. Dawn ducked deftly and climbed off the bed to get the stuffed pig from its landing place on the floor.

"You haven't told him yet?" Willow asked, brandishing her nail polish brush, "Are you ever going to tell him?"

"I don't think so," Buffy said, and then rushed to explain, "Look, Willow, he's been back, like what, four months? Don't you think it'll be a little odd if one day I just randomly say: 'Oh and by the way, my babies, who you've playing daddy to for the last few months are actually yours. Impossible, I know, what with the whole vampire equals infertile thing, but see, there were these magic eggs and poof! Here they are. Oh and I'm also really sorry that I didn't tell you this beforehand, but you see, I was worried, you'd go all crazy and run off again'" Buffy took a deep breath and looked at Willow and Dawn, who had just climbed back up into the bed.

"I can see where that might not go well" Dawn said finally, playing with Mr. Gordo's ears.

"I still think you should tell him" Willow said, her authoritative tone somewhat lessened by the enormous fluffy cow slippers she was wearing.

"And I think you should stop waving that nail polish brush at me before you get some nail polish all over my bed" Buffy said, seizing the opportunity to change the subject. It worked; Willow just laughed, reinserted the brush into the nail polish bottle and grabbed a handful of Cheetos. A few days later, Buffy woke up in the middle of the night, feeling the twins moving inside her womb.

"Spike" she hissed, trying to get the sleeping vampires attention. He bolted upright immediately, white hair mussed from sleep.

"What is it? Are the little bits ready to come out?" Buffy laughed, at the expression on his face as much as the state of his hair.

"No, you weirdo, the girls are kicking, come here" Spike stood up hesitantly, and moved towards the bed, Buffy motioned him closer but he still took his time. He wasn't sure how to react around Buffy anymore, sometimes it felt as though he was drowning; he couldn't remember anything or anyone other than Buffy, he didn't know how he had acted before the amnesia struck, sometimes he felt like he didn't know anything at all. But that wasn't true, he knew that he loved Buffy; he knew that he had loved her before his amnesia and he knew that he loved her now. He loved her babies as well, more than he had ever thought possible, loved them as if there were his own. That though, made everything harder, Buffy had asked him to be the surrogate father to her children, but she had also made it abundantly clear that she hadn't loved him before his amnesia and wasn't sure if she could love him. So, it tore him apart to be with her everyday, to be her friend, to be her helping hand in all of this, but not be able to have all of her. Whenever he saw her face light up because one of the twins was kicking, or lay her hand gently and lovingly on her belly when she thought no one was looking, the only thing he wanted was to sweep her up in his arms and make her his, but it could never happen, and so, he trod carefully whenever he was around her. He made his way to her bed now, stopping when his knees hit the side and reached over to put his hand on her belly. Buffy looked at him as though he had just gone insane.

"What are you doing, you weirdo? Come here, you can't really feel them kicking from over there" Buffy shifted her weight slightly to the side, a much more daunting task than it would have been eight months ago. She patted the empty bed beside her and Spike gingerly lowered himself next to her, placing his hand on Buffy's belly. He was rewarded almost immediately with a gentle kick to his palm. Spike grinned hugely, all earlier hesitance erased, his cobalt eyes glittering happily.

"She kicked me" he said, "Pretty strong kick there, must take after her mum"

"Don't I know it" Buffy said, wincing slightly, "My insides are probably black and blue by now. I swear it's almost like I have a soccer team living inside of my body" Spike laughed, and placed his other hand on her belly as well, one on either side, trying to feel both girls at the same time.

"Have you found names yet?" he asked, looking up at Buffy, she was staring down at her stomach and Spike's hands.

"Not yet," she said, sighing, "Dawn's been bugging me almost since she found out I was pregnant, to figure out names, but I haven't found anything I really like" She brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, still staring down at Spike's hands caressing her huge pregnant belly. He looked down as well, insecurity making a sudden appearance. Dawn had begun slipping him baby name books whenever Buffy wouldn't notice, hoping that he would be able to cajole Buffy into naming at least one of the girls. He had found a name, one that he really liked, and until this moment, he had been determined to tell Buffy, but now his insecurities began to rise. _What if she didn't like the name? What if she laughed? _He began to mourn the man he had once been, according to Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies, before the amnesia had set in, he had been a stubborn fool, hard-headed to the point of stupid-ness sometimes, now he could barely stand up for himself. 'Bugger that', he thought, 'If I want to be stubborn and hard-headed, I'll be stubborn and hard-headed'.

"I have an idea, for a name I mean" he said, cocking his head slightly to the side to look at Buffy, shock registered on her face for a moment, but she brushed it off quickly.

"What, has Dawn been handing you baby name books on the sly?"

"Actually yeah," Spike said, laughing, "Li'l Bit's a tad excited"

"Understatement of the year" Buffy laughed along with Spike for a moment before settling down.

"So what was it? The name, I mean?"

"Oh, um, Bella, it means beautiful"

"Bella" Buffy said, testing out how the name felt on her lips, "What happens if we name one of them Bella and she comes out looking like a squashed potato?"

"Couldn't happen" Spike said, shaking his head, some of his old stubborn-ness returning.

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately, Buffy?"

"Yes," Buffy answered, nodding her head vehemently, "And all I see is a fat, bloated pregnant woman"

"You're bloody gorgeous, Buffy, and any offspring of yours is bound to be spectacular" Buffy looked down then, unsure of how to react to Spike's compliment. That definitely wasn't a blush creeping over her face or butterflies suddenly taking up residence next to her twins.

"Anyways," Spike continued, sensing Buffy's uneasiness, "Too bad those tots don't have any of my genes, they'd be the best looking kids this side of Hollywood" Now a blush did erupt on Buffy's face, how could she not tell him the girls were his? He had been so amazing to her for the past few months, and no doubt, would continue to be amazing to after the girls were born, but he would always be under the impression that he was second choice, that Buffy only wanted him because she couldn't have the father. And it wasn't true; Buffy suddenly realized that for the first time in her and Spike's long and tangled history, she wanted him, no one else but him.

"Look, Spike, I have to tell you something" she started, fully intending to tell him the whole story about the twins' parentage if it hadn't been for the sudden, unimaginable stab of pain that coursed throughout her whole body. She grabbed both of Spike's hands, as if on impulse, and breathed deep, like her Lamaze classes had taught her until she rode out the pain. Spike's eyes were wide in confusion, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Spike," Buffy said finally, "I think I need an ambulance"

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Spike rode with Buffy in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, immediately after her contractions had started; he had called 911, woken up Willow and Dawn and packed Buffy an overnight bag, all in a state of near-hysteria. Willow had calmed him somewhat by the time the ambulance arrived, and they had a group consensus that he was to be the one to accompany Buffy to the hospital; he alone could withstand her Slayer strength contractions. Willow and Dawn had called Xander, Giles and Anya, and they were on their way to the house to pick up the teenager and the Wicca, and bring them to the hospital. Back in the ambulance, another contraction wracked through Buffy's body and she clutched Spike's hand tightly with all her strength, luckily, Spike's vampiric strength managed to withstand the pressure that would break a normal man's hand.

"Is it normal? That it hurts this much?" he asked the EMT sitting next to him. The man simply looked at Spike, smiling calmly, and Spike was seized with a sudden urge to slam the man's face into the dashboard. Buffy was in pain, serious pain and this bloody poof was smirking at him.

"First time father?" the EMT asked, his words almost lost in Spike's fog of rage.

"What? Yeah, I mean no, I mean . . . it's confusing"

"Always is" the EMT said, turning to face the monitor recording Buffy's heartbeat.

"Spike?" Buffy asked feebly, spent from a recent contraction. Spike leaned his head in close to better hear her.

"Spike, could you please hit the EMT for me to make him give me some kind of painkillers or something? You put his life in jeopardy, I really don't care, just get me something to make this stop hurting" Spike faced the EMT, who was acting as though he saw this sort of thing everyday, which he probably did. Although the normal pregnant women who graced the back of his ambulance probably weren't pissed-off Slayers with equally pissed-off vampires backing them up.

"Just wait until we get to the hospital, Mrs. Summers, they'll be able to give you something for the pain once we get there" Both Buffy and Spike were too agitated to correct the EMT on his assumption that they were married.

"Well, when the hell will we get to the hospital?" Buffy asked, anger and pain getting the better of her,

"Just a few more minutes, we're almost there" Buffy nodded weakly, resting her head back on the gurney. She still held Spike's hand in her own, albeit, with slightly less force than earlier.

"Spike, please don't leave me, can you stay with me, please?" Spike smoothed a stray, sweaty lock of blonde hair from Buffy's forehead gently with his free hand.

"Of course, kitten, I'm not going anywhere" Buffy suddenly looked down over her mountainous stomach, the feeling of warm liquid spreading down her legs.

"What is that? My water broke already"

"It's nothing, luv, I'm sure it's nothing" Spike soothed, glancing up at the EMT for assurance but the man was staring at the fetal heart rate monitor, a frown creasing his forehead. The man glanced down between Buffy's legs, eyes widening in shock. Before Spike could ask him what was happening the ambulance came to a sudden stop and the doors sprang open, revealing several doctors milling around and Spike was suddenly struck with the oddity of so many doctors. _Something's wrong, _a traitorous voice muttered in his head. The EMTs lowered Buffy to the ground, and Spike jumped down, staying close.

"Pregnant woman, mid-to late twenties, high-risk pregnancy, experiencing some bleeding in the field"

"Bleeding?" Buffy cried, attempting to sit up, but the EMT held her down, obviously having to use more force than he had expected.

"Why didn't anyone tell me I was bleeding?" A familiar face swam into Buffy's field of vision, Dr. Brown.

"Buffy, honey, we didn't tell you because we didn't want you to get worried and put the babies in danger." The doctor looked up at the EMT then, discussing Buffy's vitals. Buffy clamped down on Spike's hand harder than before, and he bent over the gurney while they rushed them through the emergency room.

"Spike, please, make sure they're okay. Just stay with me and make sure our girls are okay" Spike nodded, eager to make sure Buffy and the twins were okay, but suddenly something pierced his mind fog of nervousness and tension.

"Our girls?" Buffy nodded, tears streaming down her face, unable to force out the words that Spike so wanted to hear. Once again Dr. Brown appeared in Buffy's line of vision, speaking urgently.

"Listen, Buffy, we're going to have to do an emergency C-section, you've lost a lot of blood, and one of the babies is in distress, we need to get them out of there as soon as possible, is that okay?" Buffy nodded emphatically,

"Yes, yes, just make sure the girls are okay". The group rounded a corner and made for a large pair of swinging doors. Spike made to follow them, but Dr. Brown laid a hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry, sir, only the father is allowed past this point" A low guttural growl rose in Spike's throat, his animal instinct making a sudden terrifying appearance, this woman would not keep him from Buffy when she needed him the most.

"It's fine" Buffy said weakly from behind them, "Please, I need him in there". The doctor debated for a moment before finally stepping back and allowing Spike to continue along with them. Buffy squeezed Spike's hand once more, the tears flowing freely now.

"Spike, please, don't leave me, I need you" Spike wiped away Buffy's tears as best as he could.

"Don't worry kitten, I'm here, I'm always here, I won't leave you, I'll never leave you" The gang of doctors and nurses surrounding Buffy and Spike suddenly burst into an operating room and began preparing for the emergency surgery. Buffy meanwhile clutched Spike's hand like he was her lifeline to safety, silently begging him to make sure everything would be alright.


	13. Life

Buffy emerged from an uneasy, painkiller laced sleep, struggling against the wave of exhaustion threatening to pull her back under. She fought as hard as she could though, she couldn't just lie there, sleeping while her babies might be in danger. As she slowly began to wake up, Buffy was suddenly aware of something cold entwined around her fingers. She wiped the sleep from her eyes, movements slow and groggy, very unlike a Slayer. Gradually, a bowed white blonde head swam into her field of vision.

"Spike?" she asked, brow furrowing with confusion as he lifted his head to face hers. Tear tracks cut into his porcelain features and a sudden dizzying sense of fear stabbed through Buffy.

"Spike, what is it? Is it the girls, are they okay?" Spike cleared the tears from his face with his free hand, the other still holding onto Buffy's tightly.

"There were complications" he said, voice cracking. Buffy's stomach plummeted in fear.

"They brought you in, to the operating room, and bloody hell, Buffy, there was a lot of blood, and I couldn't see, what was happening, I couldn't tell what they were doing" He took a deep shuddering unneeded breath, "They said that the umbilical cord had wrapped around one of the girls' necks, when they took her out she was so bloody small, so small and she wasn't breathing" Despair washed over Buffy, more painful and frightening than anything she had ever faced.

"Spike, please are they okay?" Spike nodded, pointedly not looking at Buffy, tears once again coursing down his face.

"They managed to get her breathing, took her down to the NICU, or some such bollocks, they took both of them to make sure they were okay. But, Buffy, they were so small, and I couldn't understand how they couldn't be alright. I love them, Buffy, I love them so much" His eyes met hers then, they were the tortured eyes of a man who had been to hell and back, and was only now feeling the after-effects of it.

"I love you too, Buffy" he said, moving closer to Buffy and laying his cool forehead on hers. The cold washed over Buffy, creating a sort of calming effect, her girls were okay, at least for now, and Spike was here, Spike would always be here.

"I know" she said, nodding, "I know"

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The next few days passed in a sort of blurry haze for Buffy, Spike and the rest of the Scoobies. Dawn refused to leave the hospital, always either at her sister's bedside or the NICU with the twins, so Willow, Giles, Xander and Anya took shifts at the hospital, watching over the teenager and, whenever needed, Buffy and Spike. Spike didn't leave the hospital either, most nights falling asleep in the chair in Buffy's room, other nights falling asleep with Dawn in the waiting room. One day, Spike stood in front of the nursery window, where the twins had just been moved, and Xander came up to him, offering him a cup of warm pig's blood in a take-out coffee container.

"Here" he said, "You look like you need this". Spike nodded gratefully, never taking his eyes off of the twins.

"How are they doing?" Xander asked, staring into the nursery as well.

"Better, they're doing better" Xander nodded, at a loss for words for probably the first time in his life.

"Look," he said finally, "I didn't really like you before the whole amnesia thing, you . . . there were things you did that I didn't completely agree with. But I've seen you with Buffy for the past few months, and with the twins for the last couple of days, and as much as I hate to say it; I think I'm starting to respect you" Spike nodded, glancing at Xander out of the corner of his eye.

"Thank you, it means a lot, at least, I think it does" Spike's brow creased with confusion and anger.

"I just can't understand why I can't remember, I mean, I look at the girls and I can't remember why they even exist, and I look at Buffy and she's so bloody familiar sometimes, and I can't remember where I've seen her before, and it's just so aggravating" Xander nodded in understanding, awkwardly clapping Spike on the shoulder.

"It'll come to you, man, you just got to give it time"

"Yeah" Spike said, nodding, staring back into the nursery, "Yeah, alright" Silence descended between the two, both unsure of what to say next. Xander finally turned to the blonde vampire, confusion written into his face.

"Just a question though, they said that when Buffy was delivering, there was a lot of blood and I mean, you, vampire, how did you manage to not get all fang-y?" Spike faced the brunette carpenter tiredly, as though the answer was completely obvious.

"It wasn't about me or what I wanted, it was about Buffy, and the twins, my wants didn't matter, nothing mattered except making sure the three of them were going to be okay." Xander studied Spike carefully, as if he had just unlocked a new facet of the vampire's personality.

"I think you're going to be a good father" he said finally, and Spike grinned, the first time in a long time.

"For some reason, that means a lot coming from you". The two men, vampire and carpenter stared into the nursery together, not entirely in friendship, but in something that greatly resembled it.

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As Buffy strove to wake up, the undeniable scent of Spike filled her nostrils. When her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness of the room, she realized Spike's leather duster was covering her; she snuggled deeper into, feeling the leather against her skin.

"I hope you don't mind" Spike's voice said from a corner of the room, "You just looked cold and I thought you might . . . you know, appreciate it" He emerged from the shadow-y darkness of the room, and sat in the chair next to Buffy.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, instinctively intertwining his fingers with hers.

"I'm okay, doing better, I just wish they'd let me see the girls" Spike nodded, he had been wishing the very same thing since the twins had been delivered. As if cuing into their thoughts, a nurse knocked gently on Buffy's door, wheeling in two cradles.

"I thought it was about time these two met their mommy and daddy" she said, moving the twins as close to the bed as she could and backing out of the room, giving the new family some time to bond.

"I'll be just outside if you need anything" Buffy and Spike though, barely even heard, they were too engrossed in the babies ensconced in hospital blankets. Spike lifted one up gently, depositing her into Buffy's arms and delicately picking the other one up for himself, cradling the little girl in his arms.

"See, I told you, bloody gorgeous these two are" he said, offering his pinky to the baby arms, she grabbed onto it tightly, her whole fist less than half the size of Spike's finger.

"Bloody strong too, guess they really do take after their mother" he looked up from the baby in his arms, and gazed at Buffy, who was staring amazedly at the little girl currently balled up against her chest.

"Which is the one that almost didn't make it?" she asked, voice thick with emotion.

"The one you're holding, but she's doing much better now, she's a strong little bit"

"She's a fighter" Buffy said softly. She cleared her throat and met Spike's eyes.

"Names then, we have to name them, they can't be Baby Girl Summers 1 and Baby Girl Summers 2 forever"

"I dunno," Spike said, looking back down at his daughter, "I kinda like the sound of that."

"You would, you have no taste" Spike scoffed, pretending to be hurt.

"I dunno, you liked the name Bella, didn't you? My taste isn't all that bad"

"Bella, huh?" Buffy pondered aloud, "I do like that actually, Bella Dawn maybe. Dawn would kill me if I didn't name at least one of the girls after her." Spike laughed, stroking his baby's head gently.

"Yeah, Bella Dawn, I like that"

"And this one will be Cadyn," Buffy said, gazing down at the blue eyed baby gurgling softly in her arms.

"Cadyn Lily" Buffy looked up to find Spike's eyes on her.

"Does that mean anything?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Yeah, Cadyn means fighter, and Lily was my mom's favorite kind of flower"

"I like it" Spike said, nodding boldly, "Cadyn Lily and Bella Dawn, very nice. Good strong names." He gazed down at the baby cocooned comfortably in his arms.

"You look like a Bella to me" Buffy laughed, struck dumb at the sight of William the Bloody, killer of hundreds, big bad vampire cradling a little blue eyed, blonde haired baby in his arms. She would have though it absolutely ludicrous if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. And for the first time since Buffy had entered the hospital, she realized that everything was finally going to be alright.

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A.N: Alright, so this was a short, kinda filler chapter. I just wanted to resolve the issue about the babies and what was happening with them. And if some of you think that Spike was acting sort of un-Spike-like in this chapter, just remember that, what with the memory loss and crazy emotional stress he's been under lately, we're lucky he's not locked up in a mental institution. So, thanks to my readers, I love you all very much, and thank you for all your reviews.


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